Apart

You’re just a dream.

A dream, I don’t know how take to that, is that a compliment?

But it’s true, once we leave each other, it’s back to reality.

I don’t even really exist because no one even knows who I am. You haven’t even told your best friend. I don’t exist outside your head.

I can’t tell her yet, the timing is not right and you do exist, you’re talking nonsense.

Nobody knows me. Just imagine you tell someone, they’ll all be shocked. They will be amazed you have kept that quiet for such a long time, hiding it, how will they react?

I don’t know.

If you forget me, no one ever ask “how’s what’s his face doing, you haven’t mentioned him for a while?” Nope, no one will say that will they?

How am I going to forget you?

Why can’t you forget me, you did last time?

You should keep your opinions to yourself.

I’m just saying that’s all…oh I don’t know, I’m sorry.

I’m tired now; I’ll ring you tomorrow night.

Night.

He throws his mobile on the bed. ‘Shall I text her and say sorry?’ He said to himself.
‘I’ve upset her and I know she’s awake. Fuck it, I’ve said sorry.’

He opens his bedroom window and lights up a cigarette. He looks out on the street, its pitch black, looks at his watch 12:36 in the morning!!!

‘Why am I doing this, do I really want to go through this again?’ He thought, taking a long deep drag of his Marlboro lights. ‘I know how this is going to end; she’s going to stay with her husband like before. The guilt will take control again. All those promises, all the kisses and hugs, will become just memories and I’m going to ask myself over and over again if she really did love me. I haven’t told anyone, not like before, many years ago when I told my best friend’

‘Are you out of your fucking mind??!!! She’s fucking married!!! Christ!! You’re always going out with the wrong girls. All those single girls out there and you choose a married one.
I don’t see her as married.

What the fuck is that suppose to mean, I mean look, you telling me they aren’t having sex, and that don’t bother you?

I don’t think about it and it doesn’t mean anything, it’s just sex.

Fuck off, then why don’t you think about it if it doesn’t bother you? Look there is only one way this is going to end, you’re going to get hurt and she’s not going to leave her husband. It’s not just her, a lot of people are going to get hurt, you’ve watched those stupid shows on TV, and you know how it is. She won’t leave her husband, I tell you that now. Just stay away now, keep your distance, give her the cold shoulder and she’ll back off, let it go.

‘I was so pissed off with him because deep down I knew what he said was true. I didn’t stay away, she didn’t leave her husband and I got hurt and now I’m here again doing the exact same thing.’

He flings his dying cigarette out into the street and goes to bed.

Meeting

She gets in the back seat of the car, and lies down.

What’s the matter?

This, you lying in the back seat like a fugitive

What else do you want me to do, stick my head out the window?

Why did you have to be so popular, no matter where we go someone might know you, nosey Indians, someone knows someone else.

Why are you stressing for, it’s not always going to be like this.

Yeah you’re right; I can get some tinted windows so you won’t have to lie down.

Ha ha very funny

They park at their usual place, an old industrial estate at the back of The Hawthorns, West Brom Football stadium. Ash gets in the back and they hug.

Ahhh not too tight you’re going to crack my ribs

Sorry, I just miss you, that’s all.

He texted me today

Who?

My husband, who do you think?

What did he say?

She gives him the phone.

“Let’s give it another go, let’s forget the past, if we can love each other, then no 3rd person will get in the way. I don’t think I can live without you two. Just give me answer yes or no?”

Did you text back?

Yeah, I said you still think I’m shagging around and he texted back

“What else am I suppose to think, we haven’t had sex for almost 2 years”

I texted saying it’s not about sex and he didn’t reply.

Oh right

What you thinking?

He wants to give it another go.

Yeah and how long is that going to last, how many times do we need to do this? He’ll be fine for a few weeks and then he’ll go into his sulky mood swings and he won’t talk to me for another 6 months, I’ve just had enough, I don’t have the strength no more.

You guys don’t even argue, you just avoid it by not talking.

Because he doesn’t listen, it’s his way or no way, always want to be in control. What’s the matter?

I’m just thinking about Simran, that’s all.

I’ve already told her it’s best if we’re not together and it’s not good for her, she gets upset to.

She’s just a kid she’s not going to understand.

In the long run it’s for the best.

(Silence)

They look at each other; they breathe the same breath, share the same air, the same touch and feel. He plants a kiss on her lips. She begins to laugh, the laughter breaking the kisses; she was nervous as much as Ash was. Their hands were only but meant to explore, their eyes to only look, their lips to taste what love tasted like – everything wrapped together into one being. Never had something ever existed so wonderful in his life. Nothing would ruin this flawless moment. But it always comes to an end.

What time is it?

We have 5 minutes left

Hey why the sad face?

Time goes so fast and hate seeing you leave, back to reality, I guess

Ash!! You know the score.

Karenna gets make up gear out her bag, applying fresh lipstick on her naked lips.

Don’t watch me

Why not, you’re only putting lipstick on

You’re making me laugh

Okay I’ll look away.

Ash drops her off to where she parked her car. They kiss again and they go there separate ways.

In the Pub

You know in the old days if you had a secret and didn’t want anyone else to know, you would go up a mountain, find a tree, carve a hole and whisper your secret and then cover the hole with mud and there it would stay.

Ash, ash, what secrets do you have?

Don’t you have secrets?

No, you know me I’m a simple guy, what you see is what you get. What you need to do is get yourself a girl and get you dick into some action.

Not everyone is like you

You think with you head, I think with my dick and my way is easier, no pain, no complications, just simple animal lust.
One day you’ll get bored of that and have something that’s real

Bollocks, loves a disease, makes people do fucked up crazy things

Yeah and that’s what it’s all about

Love at first sight, bullshit, it’s Lust at first sight, anyway, fancy a game of pool?

Back at home

Back on his flat, sitting on the sofa.

‘Love’s a disease makes you do crazy things. Yes that is true.’ Thinking to himself.
‘The thing is she’s not strong enough to go through with it. If she was she would have done it a long time ago. It’s not that easy and I’m wrong, she is strong, she stuck with the relationship, tried to make it work, tried to love him but everyone knows love don’t have any rules.
Separation, can I stay away from Kareena, keep my distance. Separation between father and daughter. My happiness is gonna break up a family, am I really worth that much? It’s not my fault she said, it’s not my fault if the marriage breaks up, but if I wasn’t in the picture she would stay with him, so it is my fault. The guilt will always be there, I’ll always think it was me who broke up a marriage, a family. Me who has taken Simran away from her father, but he’ll always be her father. If she’s going to leave him she’s gonna have to leave him because she does not want to be with him not because she wants to be with me. So I have keep my distance and see how it pans out!!

Meeting

I got the job in London

You got it. That’s good, that’s really good.

Yeah.

(Silence)

So I’m going take the job and I’ll be starting in 3 weeks time. I’ll be leaving this smelly dump Smethwick once and for all.

Thanks, I still live here.

Don’t cry, I’m not going yet.

One year later

She never left her husband. She’s pregnant again. We still chat once every few weeks, but that will soon fade away. She puts on a brave face and pretends she’s happy and we both know that’s not true. In the end it was for the best…best for whom, the daughter, kids come first right? That’s what I managed to convince myself, to keep myself sane. Self deception, it’s a nasty thing how the brain works. The truth is that it was a mistake. A mistake that I left and she stayed. Yes there would have been dark storms but after the tears and heartaches we would have been happy. This separation is not a happy ending.
The first few months were the worse, watching depressing sad films like ‘Where the wild things are’ and listening to sad music. But as they say times a great healer. It’s sort of true, but the pain is still there, the pain never goes away. But I keep myself occupied, made some friends, read books, go out clubbing, watch films and eat and eat – perfect!!!!
I went to see a fortune teller and she said that we’ll be together again in our late 50’s. Like Kareena said before I left for London, if we’re meant to be together, then we will.